Things I Learned From Movie X: Transformers: Dark of the Moon
This new version Doctor Strangelove is really, really shitty.
For the first Things I Learned From Movie X column of 2012, I decided to mark the New Year by watching a film routinely described as the worst of 2011. Far be it for me to argue with the majority, but I have to say, I didn't think that Transformers: Dark of the Moon was that bad. I mean, it's horrible. Absolutely abysmal, in fact. A terrible cultural artifact with no redeeming qualities whatsoever which wastes some talented actors, a whole lot of money and the potentially awesome concept of giant robots punching each other by focusing on how the recession has affected Sam Witwicky. Sure, it's crass, sexist, stupid, dull and generally makes you wonder whether, if they were brought from the 19th century and made to watch it, the Lumiere brothers would have bothered to invent cinema if this is what it is going to be used for. It's all those things, but at least it's not Revenge of The Fallen. Admittedly that's the difference between first and second-degree murder, but it's an important distinction nonetheless.
Anyway, here's the column, which I would say is about 40% jokes and 60% pure, unbridled rage.